Here’s how a date with me would go. First, I’ll call you to pick a time and place. Eventually, we won’t have to worry about pesky minutes with my T-Mobile myFaves® plan. I can make unlimited calls to my five favorite friends, but you have to earn your way to that spot. In the meantime, free nights and weekends mean that we can talk extensively after 7pm. More »

I am looking for a girl to assume the other half of the most pretentious up-and-coming couple in the city. More »

Answer this ad and we’ll go out for dinner. We can begin our evening with some light economic discourse while we order. You’ll attempt to argue the virtues of tax breaks for the wealthy while I espouse the virtues of social programs. Other topics of interest can include gun control, your hatred of the gays, and your belief that evolution is a weak scientific theory. More »

I am a great catch. If you have a great employee discount, we could make an awesome pair. Do you have an discount to one of the following retail establishments? More »