Mixing comedy and dating isn’t always easy. Occasionally people get the wrong impression, or worse, don’t get the joke altogether. Luckily, though, for all those who the ship of comedy misses there are few bright gems with a good sense of humor. Here’s a few of my personal ads I placed last week.
My imaginary girlfriend can’t know about this. She just isn’t fulfilling my needs, but I can’t break up with her. The weight of our mutual disinterest is a heavy burden indeed.
I need to have some fun and get away from it all. So if you are willing, interested, and attractive, I’m looking for companionship outside my relationship. Send a picture and a reply and we’ll go out.
In these rough economic times businesses must seek new and clever marketing techniques to attract customers. Those of us single must also seek creative marketing ploys. That is why, for a limited time only, the first three replies to my ad get a genuine limited-edition Ken bobblehead, complete with certificate of authenticity.
Email me a reply and a picture, and let’s go on a date so you can get that bobblehead!
I have a coupon for 2-for-1 ice cream at Coldstone. I need companionship to make use of this deal. Don’t get too excited, it expires soon. In case you don’t believe me, I’ve scanned it in as proof. In addition, I have a $25 gift certificate.
If you’ve ever waited for the stars to align for a first date where the guy simultaneously uses a coupon and a gift certificate, send a picture and a reason I should pick you.
I watch chick movies sometimes, I know what girls dreams about. You want a big, romantic, gushy and unrealistic proposal. You want everyone in the airport, restaurant, stadium, mall food court, or Pep Boys Auto Parts store to know that you are not going to die alone. It is YOUR day. (more…)
Here’s how a date with me would go. First, I’ll call you to pick a time and place. Eventually, we won’t have to worry about pesky minutes with my T-Mobile myFaves® plan. I can make unlimited calls to my five favorite friends, but you have to earn your way to that spot. In the meantime, free nights and weekends mean that we can talk extensively after 7pm. (more…)
I am looking for a girl to assume the other half of the most pretentious up-and-coming couple in the city. (more…)
Answer this ad and we’ll go out for dinner. We can begin our evening with some light economic discourse while we order. You’ll attempt to argue the virtues of tax breaks for the wealthy while I espouse the virtues of social programs. Other topics of interest can include gun control, your hatred of the gays, and your belief that evolution is a weak scientific theory. (more…)
